What happens when a good mom is struggling with depression? As a therapist, I hear this a lot from clients who love being a mom and yet are struggling in motherhood. These are moms who feel overwhelmed, irritable, and disconnected from themselves and their loved ones. If this sounds like you, you are not alone.
When you are having a hard time connecting to your children, or your spouse, or the activities that you usually enjoy, you may start to think that you are doing enough. When dealing with depression, you may even worry about not being good enough. Feeling depressed, though, does not mean you’re a bad mom. It means you are a person who is having a hard time and who deserves support to feel more like yourself again.
Noticing How Depression Is Affecting You Is A Great First Step
The moms I worked with often tell me that they’ve noticed themselves feeling far less patient than usual. Sometimes this shows up as yelling or snapping at loved ones. Other times it’s more invisible to those closest to you, but internally you’re suffering as you pretend that everything is okay. Observing these thoughts, feelings, and behavior changes in yourself is a critical first step. Noticing your behavior is acknowledgement. It’s vulnerable and it’s an opportunity to ask for help.
Getting Support From Others
As a therapist with over 15 years of experience working with children, families, and moms, I understand how overwhelming motherhood can be. In fact, pressure on moms feels like it is at an all time high. Moms today are constantly bombarded with expectations to do it all. Things like unrealistic social media posts, unsolicited advice from well-meaning family members, or internalized expectations about how a mom “should” be all take a toll. And the result? Exhausted and overwhelmed moms who feel like they are on their own.
Isolation like this can increase symptoms of depression in moms. That is why getting help and support from others can help. Spending time in nature, joining a local support group, or starting therapy, you can take steps to reduce feelings of overwhelm and isolation by building connections with others and with yourself.
Taking Care Of Yourself
The reality for many moms is that there is only so much time and energy to give. And when you are feeling emotionally depleted, it not only starts to feel hard to take care of your kids, it can start to feel impossible to take care of yourself. Yet the truth is, prioritizing your emotional and physical well-being is often exactly what is needed, not only to feel better in your own body, but to show up in your relationships the way you want as well. This might include psychological or pharmacological intervention, including psychotherapy and/or medication.
It might also include habits for reducing your risk for depression, which often include:
- Regular exercise
- Proper sleep hygiene
- Health eating
- Avoiding alcohol
- Time in nature
- Time with those you care about
Making Time To Be Something Other Than “Mom”
When moms struggle with depression, it can feel like a threat to their identity. This is especially true when the pressure to be a “perfect mom” comes at the expense of having other roles. Research indicates that societal pressures on moms to be “perfect” leads to higher levels of anxiety and increased emotional distress. Said another way, it chips away at your feelings of self-worth.
When I work with moms whose mental health is suffering because of identity loss, we focus on realistic and manageable steps to take, include:
- Setting boundaries
- Learning how to say no and delegate
- Making plans with friends
- Letting go of control
Making time for yourself in roles outside of only “mom” can nurture your mental health and sense of self by quieting external pressure and prioritizing emotional needs.
How Your Identity As “Mom” May Be Contributing To Your Depression
Being a mom does not cause depression, but pressure to be a “perfect mom” might. Far too often I hear my clients talk about being a mom with words like “guilt” and “not good enough.” When you define your identity as a mom by your symptoms of depression and unfair expectations, you can start to believe that you aren’t a good mom. This is why treatment matters and why therapy can help.
How Therapy Can Help
When moms get the support they need, there is a ripple effect. I see this with my clients time and again. In therapy, I work with my clients to identify triggers, understand symptoms, practice coping skills, consider additional supports, develop healthier narratives, and practice acceptance about asking for help. As their depressive symptoms decrease, their connection with themselves increases. As their self-worth grows, their relationships with their children and spouse also improves. Supporting moms means supporting families.
What To Look For In A Therapist Who Specializes In Moms & Depression
Therapy is filled with different approaches, styles, and training. Two key factors for moms to consider include:
- Maternal mental health training: the credential PMH-C signifies specific training in perinatal and maternal mental health
- Therapeutic rapport: how you feel about your relationship with your therapist is a strong indicator of progress in therapy
How We Can Help
As a clinical practice that includes a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Perinatal Mental Health Provider, we specialize in helping mothers navigate depression, anxiety, and the identity shifts of motherhood. My approach blends cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), and narrative therapy. We provide an emotionally safe environment to explore how depression impacts your motherhood journey, even when you’re struggling as a mom. Together we’ll work to strengthen both your sense of self as a mom and your identity as a whole person.
Depression does not mean you’re failing as a mom. By noticing your symptoms, building support, taking care of yourself, and reaching out for help, you are showing incredible strength. Professional support is available, and feeling better is possible. You are a good mom not because you’re perfect, but because you care enough to seek support for yourself.
Schedule a free initial consultation today!
(If you are experiencing a medical or mental health emergency, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.)
