Having a baby is a transformative time for a new mom that comes with a mix of ups and downs. While you may feel joy and excitement as a new mom, you may also feel overwhelmed and stressed too. As a therapist I can tell you that if you are feeling anxious or find it difficult to enjoy this time in your life, you are not alone. Lots of moms experience big emotions as they navigate the profound number of changes that occur in their life after their baby is born.
If worry has become a regular occurrence for you, it’s not uncommon to lose yourself in questions like:
- Is my baby eating enough?
- Should I make sure my baby is breathing while she is sleeping?
- Why am I so frustrated with my husband when he tries to help?
- Why am I not good at this?
- Why isn’t there a rule book to figure this “new mom” thing out?
If you find yourself worrying about these topics and more on a regular basis, you might be experiencing postpartum anxiety.
What Is Postpartum Anxiety?
Postpartum anxiety is a common mental health condition that leads to constant worry during the postpartum period (first year after giving birth). Some worrying about your new baby and your new identity as a mom is likely pretty normal. But it’s when these same worries tip into a constant or persistent companion that there may be more going on.
According to Postpartum Support International, postpartum anxiety affects 1 in 5 women and 1 in 10 men. The truth is that too many new moms think that overwhelming anxiety is just how motherhood is supposed to feel, or even worse, blame themselves for feeling this way. I can tell you that both are harmful to a mother’s mental health and can be addressed in therapy.
Let’s look at how postpartum anxiety can show up in regular life. You may feel:
- On edge more often than not
- Unable to manage your feelings of worry
- Hyper-focused or hypervigilant
- Tearful or weepy
- Lose time imaging the worst case scenario(s)
- A tightness in your chest
- Challenged with falling or staying asleep (already hard as a new mom!)
- Restless and like you need to be “doing,” “moving” or “acting” all the time
- Like you want to avoid common people or places
- Like you need to check and recheck tasks or behaviors
What Does Postpartum Anxiety Feel Like?
Clients often share statements like these when telling me about their postpartum anxiety.
- “My mind won’t stop racing.”
- “My chest feels tight, like I just can’t relax.”
- “I’m constantly worried that something bad will happen.”
- “I used to be very patient, but now I’m irritable all of the time.”
- “I feel guilty that I’m not enjoying this special time.”
- “I am constantly asking my spouse if he is worried too, but often feel alone in this.”
When this time in your life that’s “supposed” to be wonderful and loving is riddled with worries, stress and irritability, it’s normal to start to wonder if something more is going on. I can tell you that feelings like these are not the defining features of becoming a new mom. So if you’re in this boat, it’s a sign that getting some support from a trusted therapist is a good step to explore.
And, the good news is that with support, you can start to feel better. Postpartum anxiety is treatable and you deserve to feel like yourself as you enter into motherhood.
When Does It Typically Start?
Postpartum anxiety begins at different times for different moms. There is no “right” time. For some, increased anxiety begins during pregnancy. For others, postpartum anxiety shows up anywhere from shortly after giving birth to several months into being a new mom. When symptoms last longer than the initial two weeks after giving birth, commonly referred to as “baby blues,” that’s when it’s time to seek support.
What Causes Postpartum Anxiety?
The data is clear that there isn’t a single cause of postpartum anxiety. Instead, there are several stressors and circumstances that can cause overwhelming worry to turn into anxiety. New parents, and parents-to-be, can better prepare for postpartum by understanding what can cause increased distress. That list includes:
- Prior history of anxiety
- Hormone changes
- Severe lack of sleep
- Lack of partner support
- Unplanned pregnancy
- Financial challenges
- Low self-esteem
- Prior pregnancy or infant loss
And of course, it can come out of the blue. Some moms with incredible support systems in place still find themselves worrying more than they would like. If this is happening for you, I want to tell you that there is nothing wrong with you. You are a good mom, arguably a great mom for even looking into this in lieu of keeping it secret or trying to wish it away. You deserve support and with support, things can begin to turn around.
Am I Doing Something Wrong?
Let me simply say no, you’re not doing anything wrong. Lots of my clients share this worry at the beginning of therapy. Here’s what we know about anxiety, anxiety is our body’s way of notifying us of threat or danger. With postpartum anxiety, the fear that “something could be wrong” is often interpreted as “I am doing something wrong” and it’s important to know that this isn’t your fault or because of something you have done wrong. You’re simply worried and that is something we can work on together.
Is My Anxiety Just Because I’m New At Being A Mom?
When I work with pregnant and postpartum clients, I remind them that anxiety can be normal. This is especially true when everything around you feels new and you are dealing with a lot of unknowns. Feeling anxious is understandable. However, normalizing anxiety does not mean that it’s wise to ignore the signs and symptoms in front of you. When worry, overwhelm, and irritability feel unmanageable, this is when I remind my clients that postpartum anxiety is treatable.
How Can Therapy Help Me?
Having a baby is such a vulnerable time in a new mom’s life. As a certified perinatal mental health therapist (PMH-C), I understand the value of specialized therapy for new moms. Therapy can help you to learn effective coping tools, set needed boundaries, practice productive communication skills, and better manage how scary it can feel to be a new mom.
What If I Need Anxiety Medication?
Sometimes postpartum anxiety feels too intense, and medication is recommended. I often hear from my clients that they are scared to take medication which is an understandable reaction. New moms who feel nervous about taking medication deserve more information from reputable sources and it’s something we can discuss in therapy. If we work together and you want to consider medication, I will help you find a prescriber who also specializes in perinatal mental health to offer this extra layer of support.
How Long Does Postpartum Anxiety Last?
Postpartum anxiety doesn’t typically just go away on its own. In fact, when left untreated, symptoms can persist and linger longer than desired. The good news is with proper intervention you can start to feel better. My clients report that they start to feel more like themselves after a few sessions. With on-going support, my clients learn tools to effectively manage anxiety and to experience more joy as a new mom.
Bringing your new baby home means a lot of your life is going to change, some people say “everything” changes. That is reason enough for our anxiety to rise. That said, when the fear of failing as a new mom gets the best of you, it’s time to take a step. You’re not failing by asking for help. The more informed you are about what postpartum anxiety looks like and what causes symptoms to arise, the sooner you can get the care you need. Then your worry and shame can decrease as you, your new baby and your family all receive the support they need.
If you’re in the state of Illinois and looking for help, please don’t hesitate to reach out today. You can schedule a free initial consultation today!
